The title of this post is from a suspense thriller film with the general premise that repressed actions, memories, etc. have a way of surfacing and affecting our present. Isn't that true of our habits? There's a reason we do what we do or don't do what we want to do. Following me?
For example, as 10:00 pm. came and went last night, I wondered why I was still up. I had no desire to go to sleep. I wanted to stay awake. I knew I'd have to confess my failure to meet my goal, yet I was willing to do that versus just going to sleep. Is there an inner toddler manifesting itself within me??? Thinking this through further, I realized that staying up late when everyone else was asleep was a way I processed stress. I need quiet time to deal with things, especially when there's a lot going on. As soon as sleep settles on everyone else, my thoughts and emotions pop out like a bunch of nocturnal party animals, ready to play. And the noise can go on and on until their host, me, wearily pulls the plug. And that was a major realization too, that I had the power to shut the party down or reschedule to a better time. I didn't realize that I was passively allowing this bad pattern to continue, yielding to it time and again rather than a) owning up to the fact that I need time alone to process and b) proactively addressing this need in a more helpful, healthy way.
So, what's the plan? I still have my goal of getting to bed by 10:00 pm. I will be more deliberate in the hours after the children go to sleep to take time to myself rather than flipping on the TV or going on the computer. I will schedule time earlier in the day, like nap time, to catch up on electronic correspondence. And I will still myself as bedtime approaches, releasing pressing concerns to the Lord in exchange for peaceful slumber. Then in the early morning, I'll continue the conversation with God and engage His Word in the processing. Now I have an action plan I can work with because (YAWN, excuse me...)
I am tired. This late night pattern hasn't been working for me.
What lies beneath the surface in choices you're making in your life? What shifts in thinking or approaching your goal need to take place for success?