© Oscar Williams | Dreamstime.com
A letter that I read in a book spoke my heart exactly.
Dear Little (Self),
You were a beautiful child, an innocent. You were pure love. I'm going to take care of you from now on. You were talented and creative. I'm going to express you. You're safe now. You can love and you can let love in. You won't be hurt. You can discern now. I'll take care of us. I'll pull us together. We were always apart, playing different roles, learning to cope. You're not crazy. You were afraid. They can't hurt you anymore. I've stopped...concealing your anger, your rage, your sadness, your depression, your guilt, and your anxiety. You can let go of those feelings now. I've stopped punishing us, like they did. I've surrendered to God. We are worthwhile. I am worthwhile. The world we made up is over now. We are waking up. It still hurts, but not as much. And it's finally real.
Part of the "waking up" is admitting to myself that it really was bad. And it hurt terribly. For a very long time. No more brushing it off or minimizing the reality of all that's happened. Coming to terms with it is a huge part of moving on beyond it to true healing.
I feel liberation seeping into the crevices of my soul. Long dormant dreams are rising to the surface. The belief that I can do it radiates within me. Hope and peace have wrapped their arms around me.
I'll be spending Memorial Day up in the mountains with my family and with my camera. There's some praying I want to do up there, a final release of all these things. I'm also seeking new direction for my photography career and artistic inspiration. One of my dreams is having a gallery showing of my photography. It's time to start rebuilding my portfolio along with my life! The pouring out of all that the Artist of my soul has poured into me.