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1.10.2011

Clinging

During my junior and senior years of high school, my guidance counselor periodically summoned me into her office to ask me if everything was okay.  Always an honor roll student, my grades had dropped.  I remember looking into her kind, inquisitive eyes and shaking my head.  I couldn't say anything.  It wasn't safe.

Years and years of burying things within and not saying, because it wasn't safe, have come to an end.  This is my journey and my story.  I realize that remaining silent, always editing and being careful to consider the effect on others while ignoring my own cries is...not okay.

More recently, I sought the help of a church counselor to process my grief and turmoil after my mother's passing.  After getting some history and hearing my reasons for being there, he asked me if I felt like I was being heard in my life.  No, I didn't feel like I was being heard.  This person took down notes.  Unfortunately, at our next session as we continued our discussion,  the counselor started to nod off.  Ironic...in a horrible way.  But, I realized in the car that it wasn't as important if this person heard me as long as I was paying attention and tending to what my heart was saying.

This is an incredibly difficult time.
I am clinging to God.
He continues to touch me as He shows His love in unexpected ways.

2 comments:

BARBIE said...

Oh Miki, I am praying for you this morning. May you feel the touch of God this morning and may He breath new life into you fresh and a new. He alone is your hope. My heart aches that you hurt so.

Bree said...

Sweet Miki, His love for you overflows. His desire for you is to be whole in Him. As Terri has always said, peeling of the onion layers...gets a little thicker with each layer, deeper down. But praise the Lord-He is at the center, and with each step, He will carry you, bringing healing and see you through each step, knowing your precious heart and what you need to find a true joy and peace, to be free...a miraculous work only possible by the love our precious Creator. You are precious, wonderful and amazing to Him! You are the work of HIs hand! He knit you together and knows every bit of you. He will bring you through the fire because He loves you. He has a mighty plan and purpose for you, HIS precious daughter. Bless you sweet friend, praying with you through this. Please email/facebook me if there is something specific I can be praying for you.
With love,
Bree