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A Wanted Child

As today draws to a close, I have some quiet time to pull together the random thoughts I've pondered throughout the day. 
My Mom & Me
The most pressing one has been, "I was a wanted child." My mother told me the story of my birth numerous times. She took charge of her labor with me, not waiting on the medical staff to take over and take away her options. She followed her instincts, alternated positions accordingly, and proudly brought me into this world, her way. She encouraged me to do likewise, to listen to my body's instincts, when it was time for me to deliver my own children. And I did. 

Though my father was away due to work, he immediately took whatever transportation he could access, with special favors thrown in, to get to my mom and me. 

While she waited for his arrival, my mother prepared a special name for me. In the formal Japanese written language, characters combine to form a unique meaning. Miki means "Beautiful Century," her hope for my life to be long and meaningful. I am the only child to have a Japanese name among my siblings - my father chose their names without consulting my mom. She was determined to leave her imprint and gave that gift to me. My father did manage to slip in an American middle name onto the birth certificate, one that I just found out means "Graceful Lily." My mom stood her ground to deliver me the way she wanted to and to give me the name she prepared for me. I never thought about it like that before. It's a great comfort.

No matter what, I have the confidence and knowledge that I was a wanted child.  An adored and loved child.  A child that belonged in this world.  One with purpose and talents and a reason to be.  No one has been able to take that away from me.

My blog has been silent for over a year because of intense happenings.  I was too heavily engaged in the battles of life, too emotionally spent and unsteady to write about it.  Now that things have settled, and I am able to stand, I am able to open up and share.  This is My Story, and I write to expel darkness, to mourn unashamedly, to continue to heal, and to share my story with hopes that it will encourage someone else who may be facing similar difficulties.
Today is the anniversary of the severing of ties with my family of origin.  Though they congratulated themselves on ridding themselves of me in the cruelest manner, I have seen the greater hand of God purposefully moving me out of their midst.  Away from the dark and into His marvelous light.  My children and I testified to one another today about the great faithfulness of God, who has walked with us in such a personal, kind and loving way since this day last year when cruel words and actions were taken against us.  Only God can turn a heart-wrenching situation into a grand adventure. Along the way, from last year to now, many loving hands sent by Him have uplifted and encouraged us.  By the grace and mercy of God, we have walked through a devastating trial of fire only to emerge through on the other side without even the smell of smoke upon our clothing.  Only In Him is that possible.  

Lamentations 3:19-25
[O Lord] remember [earnestly] my affliction and my misery, my wandering and my outcast state, the wormwood and the gall.

My soul has them continually in remembrance and is bowed down within me.

But this I recall and therefore have I hope and expectation:

It is because of the Lord’s mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not.

They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.

The Lord is my portion or share, says my living being (my inner self); therefore will I hope in Him and wait expectantly for Him.

The Lord is good to those who wait hopefully and expectantly for Him, to those who seek Him [inquire of and for Him and require Him by right of necessity and on the authority of God’s word].


Anonymous said...

Miki, I wrote a whole message to you and it disappeared. If you get two you will know why. I was only wanting to tell you how sad it made me to know that anyone was cruel to you. Sometimes it happens in families. We can't pick our families. BUT God has surely given you a new one filled with those who love you so much and see such giftings in you. There is a joy in knowing that you have shared in the sufferings of Jesus. James 1:1-4.
My prayer is for your continued healing. Keep drawing closer to Jesus each day.there is such transformation in His presence. Pain,regrets, fear,hurts,etc. cannot stand in that place. All is revealed. All is made new. Praise The Lord!! God bless you little sister!!! Love, Les

Marla and Steve said...

Oh Miki, honey, you are so brave to write from your heart. I'm proud of you for finding your voice. You never know who you will be helping by sharing your story. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Wow! All I can say is that you have seem to flourish over the last year. I am so thankful to have you & your beautiful family in our life! God is doing a GOOD Work in you & it shines through! Love you!

BARBIE said...

I am so thankful that God has given you the courage to write your story. I'll be praying for you!

Linda Crabtree said...

Dear Miki,

I have waited to respond to this blog praying that the Lord would give me something appropriate and profound to share with you. But as I think about all the notes I received during and after Dan's illness, I can recall nothing written that profoundly touched me in a healing fashion. What did profoundly touch me was the love behind the words and the grief shared.

Know, sweet girl, that you have had a special place in my heart from your early days in Tab's Moms' group. I very much wanted you to be part of my Titus 2 group, but that did not work out. In spite of that, you were often prayed for and cared about. I suspect the Lord has put other mother-figures in your life who have loved you unconditionally even if at a distance.

You are easy to love with your creative, joyful, giving, zest for life. You are a splendid example of Christ-like love as you excell at motherhood and serving others. You enrich the lives of those you are around.

I think one of the Lord's gifts in disguise is allowing us to be separated from those who diminish us and insist we be less than we are. Be free to be and become all the Lord meant for you to be, Miki. You are His wonderous, continually growing creation.

I love you with a mother's love and as a sister in the Lord.


Deborah Uber said...

Miki, you are an amazing woman and you certainly live up to the name and more. I'm so glad you got to see this new component to your story as you process and grieve and move on to much better things. I love your crazy heart!