I haven't written because...well, I have been crying so much. Waking up in the middle of the night by sorrow and pain and such an overwhelming loss. And even in the daylight, the ache continues. I've tried to express it, but I can't. At the slightest whisper of the wind, tears rain down.
I loaded my Ipod today with songs that have helped bring comfort. A friend sent me a link to the Matthew West song recently. I saw Mark Schultz perform "When You Come Home" a few years ago and sobbed back then - how much more the song affects me now. My Mama is Home now, at peace and perfect. I just miss having My Mama. We had so many challenging times, but there was a language that I shared with her, an understanding and knowing. We actually spoke Japanese together...who will I speak with now? It's just not the same. I still need her. I still want her. So much.
Matthew West "Save A Place"
Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world
Off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day
When I'm finally there with you
I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
Mark Schultz "When You Come Home"
I don't think she can hear you the doctor told me
Your mother is fading, it's best that you leave
So I whispered, "I love you" and then turned away
But I stopped at the door when I heard Momma say,
"I love you, son, but they're calling me away.
Promise me before I go...
When you come home, no matter how far
Run through the door and into my arms
It's where you are loved,
It's where you belong
And I will be here when you come home."
Natalie Grant "Held"
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow