The cooler weather has been sheer bliss for me. Nights curled up under a cozy comforter with the window wide open to let in that crisp air. Watching movies and sorting through boxes of history and memories. Wondering where these same boxes will be unpacked next. Where, Lord?
The intensity of that question rose as our status quo took a hit yesterday. Ouch. My heart hurts. My head hurts from processing the deluge of emotion and questions. What do we do next? Where should we go?
We've quieted ourselves and are listening.
Quite frankly, I am tired of people misbehaving themselves. I'm not talking about my young children. It's the over 30 crowd that should be further along the path of life and experiences and taking responsibility for themselves and not so quick to lash out at another person. If you were a stranger, I could and would walk away, and quickly. You are not a stranger. And I'm not sure you realize the extent of your damaging ways. Plus you throw in religious talk as if that justifies the words spoken, the destructive acts. It takes so much energy to deal with you and to make sure this heart remains free from bitterness. I forgive you and have forgiven you, really I have, but I cannot and will not continue to participate in this circus. What do you gain by speaking such demeaning words?
See, I am well aware that our current circumstances are far from ideal. We are treading water, in get-by-day-to-day mode, not our choice. But we are actively seeking and doing the best we can, finding joy in simple things, enjoying our family and keeping the laughter going as often as we can. I have no shame.
My emotions are riding kind of close to the surface, unusual for me. I desperately need true comfort, not a temporal one that cannot adequately soothe the deep places. I want to be held in the arms of One who knows everything, so that I don't have to explain. Heal my heart, Lord. Give me wisdom and clarity to see and do. what is right. in Your sight. Ultimately, that's what matters most.
I can limit my exposure to those who abuse. the blessing of relationships. Maintain healthy boundaries around me and my family. Cultivate the relationships that are genuine and true. Keep my heart pure before the Lord. Engage in lots of prayer. Soak in the Word of God. I hear You, Lord! But can You be more specific about our next move???