A Cluttered Mind

I wrote a post not too long ago about hating clutter and loving to organize...but how to de-clutter a brain???

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My thoughts and emotions have run the gamut from bliss to despair and back again in recent weeks. Bliss when I had Sean move our round Ikea table to the back porch as an outdoor seating area to journal, sip tea and watch the kids playing. Joy when we had a family water balloon fight and also when I chased the kids around with a hose. Delight when I introduced the kids to my favorite childhood sport: kickball. (I so regret not joining an adult kickball league when we were in Atlanta - too chicken!) Despair with the uncertainty of when we will be able to settle down on the job front. Frustration with long-standing family issues. Sorrow when I saw my friend's condition in her fight with cancer. d

My main response to all this turmoil? I try to focus in on what I can control and need to accomplish for now, which includes exercising regularly and wrapping up our homeschool year. I make healthy meals using every last item we purchased at the grocery store. I try to stay in the moment. And I am trying to pour my heart out to God, though sometimes I think He's not pleased with me because I am angry too. At people, our circumstances, etc., etc. But I still cry out to Him and know inside that He does hear me. Psalm 34:17 "When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their distress and troubles."

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So I am believing that not only does God hear me, He will deliver me out of ALL my distress and troubles. I believe that God has a place for us, a home to call our own and to settle in as well as a position for Sean that will be creatively challenging and a blessing in many ways. I believe He will grant us stability and enable us to prosper as a family, spiritually, in health and with financial stability. I'd like a home to make my own with a backyard for the kids in a quiet neighborhood. I'd like a church family that we can really get to know and be involved with and one that will get to know us as well. I'd like family friends to share life with and a place to set down some roots. Those are some of the things I am believing God for, and I know He has our future in His hands. I'm looking forward to setting up a studio in my home and to photograph people in my own unique way. I also want to create an area for other artistic pursuits, including drawing and painting. Ah, dreaming out loud feels good and releases some of the pain of my deferred hopes.

The unexpectedly cool weather and drizzly rain brings out some melancholy in me. But like the tiny seeds my daughter and I planted last week, tiny bits of positive green are beginning to poke out from the dirt. An aromatic herb garden will emerge soon enough, in my planters and in my life. I just know it.