Time To Emerge From The Cave

I strive for authenticity and transparency with this blog, y'know, and to genuinely be in touch with what is going on within me and all around me. With the Spring thaw starting to happen, many bears are coming out of hibernation grumpy because of hunger. I too am displaying characteristics of the emerging bear, not hungry since I can eat something other than apples, but grumpy for sure. My family was startled on more than one occasion today as I growled at them about leaving things out of place and I'm sure I displayed my teeth. Grrrrrr...

I hate disorder and confusion. Who can really function well in such a state? I can't. I have really strong convictions about my responsibility to manage the things in front of me. How can I expect more from God if I haven't taken good care of what I already have? Not that this conviction automatically signals my success in doing so. That is my struggle and frustration. I want more but am overwhelmed by what I already have and there doesn't ever seem to be quite enough room to contain/time to manage/energy to handle everything!

I'm not ready to make my home in a cave for half the year, though gorging on food and sleeping afterwards for months sounds kind of appealing. Nope. I've never been one to run or hide from a problem; I like solutions and conclusions. And Sean (otherwise know as dear hubby except when I'm hairy, grouchy and growling) came up with a brilliant solution today and set the topsy turvy things in my life back right side up: sort through the things that are overcrowding our living space and pack them up to make more room! Lest you think I am some organizational novice, I'll have you know that "Organizing" is practically my middle name. Yes, indeed. In this case, I have already organized SO MUCH of our belongings - sorted, threw out, gave away or packed them away for the last few months - that I was experiencing organizing burnout. Hence the extreme grouchiness. But I saw the truth in what Sean said and eagerly anticipate another round of gathering containers to sort, keep and give away more of our stuff. Seriously, my grumpiness gave away to bright eyes and an even brighter disposition as I considered the stuff I needed to tackle.

And I discovered a way to summarize our relationship: Sean makes a mess and I organize it; I have a problem and he fixes it. There have been so many circumstances in our 9 years together that this has been true, manifesting itself in various ways.

I am bold, blunt and to the point when it comes to organizing things (items as well as schedules, plans, etc.) But when things don't go quite the way I imagined they must, I can lose my cool. (I didn't say temper! Just my cool - beads of perspiration form on my upper lip, my hands begin to tremble, I quiver inside... what is happening to everything I planned and prepared for so thoroughly???) Don't even think about muttering 'control freak.' (I'll know if you did by the look in your eyes the next time we happen to run into one another - the words will flash across your brain, and I will know you're referencing back to this blog.) My oh-so-cool knight in shining armor rescues me by remaining calm and reasonable. Not too many things phase Sean, not even mixed up piles and messes which drive me bonkers. But in other cases when clarity of thought and the ability to breakdown a situation into digestible bites are required, I shine. I'm analytical by nature; this is my strength. Sean is easygoing, even-tempered and gracious. I'm a Poodle, and he's a Golden Retriever. And together, we are a very cool couple.