Love Comforts

I've been quiet a lot lately because I haven't felt able to put into too many words everything that's been happening.  God's grace is very near, throughout this period of disbelief, fear, confusion and turmoil.  I have confidence that my prayers are before Him, and so I've turned to lifting up others who are also facing trauma.  Too many.  How does anyone make it through without Jesus?

Last night I was finally able to attend a monthly meeting for our homeschool co-op group. Mostly ladies I've met only a few times, except for the leader who I connected with right after moving to Colorado.  Instead of discussing what was on the agenda, the Holy Spirit ushered in a time of transparently sharing challenges and needs.  Then we prayed for one another, encouraged and comforted...it was a precious time.

I drove home less broken, more free to open my heart before the Lord.  I have a tendency to withdraw, to turn deeply inward during difficult times, even towards the Lord.  To turn more of my burden over to His capable, caring arms was a huge relief.

Things aren't "fixed", but God is here in the midst of it all with me.  And He walks with me (and us) moment by moment.    

Clinging

During my junior and senior years of high school, my guidance counselor periodically summoned me into her office to ask me if everything was okay.  Always an honor roll student, my grades had dropped.  I remember looking into her kind, inquisitive eyes and shaking my head.  I couldn't say anything.  It wasn't safe.

Years and years of burying things within and not saying, because it wasn't safe, have come to an end.  This is my journey and my story.  I realize that remaining silent, always editing and being careful to consider the effect on others while ignoring my own cries is...not okay.

More recently, I sought the help of a church counselor to process my grief and turmoil after my mother's passing.  After getting some history and hearing my reasons for being there, he asked me if I felt like I was being heard in my life.  No, I didn't feel like I was being heard.  This person took down notes.  Unfortunately, at our next session as we continued our discussion,  the counselor started to nod off.  Ironic...in a horrible way.  But, I realized in the car that it wasn't as important if this person heard me as long as I was paying attention and tending to what my heart was saying.

This is an incredibly difficult time.

I am clinging to God.

He continues to touch me as He shows His love in unexpected ways.

Safe? Only in Him.

All I can do right now is cling to my Savior and My Lord.  In Him, I take refuge, find comfort and hope.

How did you know that I'm all alone today

I feel so scared and I want to go away
I bleed so deep underneath
My soul is screaming


Drowning the tears won't make it go away
It's robbing my soul
So I've taken this mask off my face to discover love
And uncover all it means to live and breathe


I'm not gonna hide
I'm not gonna run away
I'll uncover the scars and show you every mistake
Your love is mending my blisters and the bruising shame
Here with you I am safe

When You uncovered, I discovered I am not afraid
But when we're hiding, we end up fighting to be sane


 I'm not gonna hide
I'm not gonna run away
I'll uncover the scars and show you every mistake
Your love is mending my blisters and my bruising shame
Here with you
I am safe
I am safe
I am safe
I am safe

 - Safe by Natalie Grant

Party Away The Blahs

Photo courtesy of http://christmas-clip-art.net

I was feeling kinda blue. Sorta down. Envious of another's green grass.  Focused on what was wrong in my world.  I'm not normally one who tolerates a lot of self-pity but found myself wallowing in it, nevertheless.

Then I remembered something God inspired me to do a few years ago when bad news hit our family: I threw a party.  When my husband was laid off, we prayed about the situation, of course.  Then we danced.  

It was the most tangible way to express faith after we prayed.  I knew God heard our prayers.  and cared.  and would take care of us.  Even while my heart was still processing the challenges, I could outwardly rejoice by holding a celebration of Truth beyond circumstances.

Back to this morning's blahs.  After the inspiration recall, I phoned some friends to come over for a Gingerbread Decorating Party/Potluck the day after tomorrow.  We'll prepare the house tomorrow and then make loads of happy memories with our friends.  Scheduling events helps chase away the clouds, the blues and greens and any other color that tries to drag me down.

What helps you when you're feeling down?  Want to come over and decorate some Gingerbread cookies?   

Blessed

How is your holiday season going thus far?  

For me this year seems quieter.  We've enjoyed a number of seasonal activities...the Christmas parade, crafts at the library, special storytimes, iceskating, parties, etc.  I musn't forget the adventure of Black Friday!  But overall, this year is different...

We are in a new state (which seems to be the one place that IS NOT snowing, by the way.  Snow in Colorado?  Why would I think that?!?)  And "new state" meaning far more than geographical location.  Some parts I can talk about, some not.  

This is a Christmas away from family and without my mom.  God has provided lovely friends, and it fills me with warmth and comfort.  New friends so considerate and welcoming...I am blessed.  And connecting with longtime friends, where hearts are immediately understood...I am blessed.

As this year wraps up and I consider the numerous changes, upheavals, trials and tragedies that have occurred...I must declare that I am blessed.  My children are lively and loving and joyful and healthy and expressive and too wonderful for words!  I have grown in my relationship with the Lord and am living a more authentic life.  This last year has taught me so much, forced me to mature in some areas,  required me to face difficult situations...yet by the grace of God my heart is open. healing. embracing truth. and still willing to learn and grow.  By the grace of God. 

Merry Christmas!

 Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

My New Retreat Place

This is my new favorite place to be, 

a beautiful retreat that soothes my soul and fills me with awe of God's artistic perfection.

It's a little over 3 miles around the lake, 

and the views and terrain change.

From a paved path to gravel,

the stretch of mountains to a farm and grazing cows.

Even a little waterfall and stream!

There are inviting places to sit awhile as well as spots for a picnic,

playgrounds nestled in among exquisite homes,

 but the part that speaks most to me

is the stretch of wilderness.

It's quiet there.

And my heart is at peace.